weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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