Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
