i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
