Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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