Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
