My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
