i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
