this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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