I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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