also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
