dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
that may or may not have been my penis.
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