Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
