don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
