i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
