i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
