So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
