she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
