too bad you live with your parents still
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
