god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
