Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
