Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wear drunk well.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
