how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
