We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
