what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
