She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
