I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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