it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
