toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
