The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bring me that man meat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
