community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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