Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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