i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
