there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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