Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
