Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
