i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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