I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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