I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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