I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
