Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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