You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
