How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
