Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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