I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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