Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
