I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
