You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
