I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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