I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The Olympian is in my bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
