dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
