that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
