Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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