Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
