The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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