Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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