I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
