I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
