next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
