Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
