Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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